I know I’m not on my own when I say I’m finding this lockdown particularly hard. With a 10 week old in tow I find I’m navigating my way through two things I’ve never done before and it’s challenging to say the least. We’re nearly a year into this pandemic and staying positive is a constant challenge. The mix of emotions on a daily basis for me is vast. Worrying about the virus and the people around me, so glad there’s a vaccine and it’s getting rolled out quickly. Frustration that I’m not able to make the most of my maternity leave, oh the plans I had with four of my friends who are also off with their babies. Fingers crossed for summer play dates. Guilt that I’m not doing enough for my little girl, I feel like she’s missing out on all the classes and I’m constantly on google to check if I’m stimulating her enough. Grief for a previous life, thank you Facebook memories for the daily reminders of things we’re not allowed to do. I can’t actually imagine going on a plane or being in a big crowd anytime soon. The lack of adult conversation is challenging and on the rare occasion I do get to speak to someone who isn’t my husband or my mum I find no one has got anything to say. No ones been anywhere or done anything and even planning for the future is hard when we’re surrounded by so much uncertainty. It’s like Groundhog Day. Every.single.day. Which is one of the reasons I’ve started to write. Over the last few weeks I’ve found the following things help me get by on a day to day basis. 

• Play time- although we can’t go to classes I try and make sure we have plenty of variety of playtime. We play on the mat on the floor. Rotate the things out of the sensory box from sensational babies. I read to her every day, and we’ve watched the playtime YouTube videos that the positive birth company have been doing throughout January . 
• Complete 1 task a day off my to do list- my list is never ending but I find if I write down a couple of tasks a day and complete them I get a great feeling of accomplishment. Even If all I do that day is the make the bed 

• Walk walk walk – as long as it’s not pouring down with rain we get rugged up and go for a walk with the pram or the carrier – the fresh air does us both good and I’m grateful for the gentle exercise. I’ve found lots of new walks and public footpaths I didn’t know about in my local area. It’s good to get out of the house and an easy way to get those steps in.

• FaceTime a friend – I live for my weekly calls with my best friend at the minute who I normally wouldn’t go a week or two without seeing. We chat about anything and nothing just like we would in person and it’s the fastest hour of the week. Plus she gets to see Elena who is changing by the day! I come off the call feeling lighter. No where near as good as a real hug but a virtual one will keep us going in the meantime.
• In contradiction to all of the above sometimes we do nothing but sit on the sofa and have cuddles and I’m ok with that. This may not be how I envisaged spending our time off together but I have a feeling I’ll miss these days when the world opens up again and we find we’re back to a busy life of constantly chasing our tails. 

I hope you’re all doing ok? What things do you do to help you get through lockdown?

Your story starts on a day like any other

The year however turned out like no other

Soon after we found out we’d be a family of three. 

The world went into lockdown for months you see

We had to put on hold all the things we had planned

Stay home, stay apart, even football got banned

But not all bad came from the global disaster 

We learned the true power of love, friendships and laughter

As my bump grew we couldn’t wait to meet you

Going to scans on my own

I felt all alone

Then you’d kick to say

That’s not true 

and I knew

I had you

Then the time came

While the peak of the virus swarmed all around us

your birthday you chose.

Ten little fingers and ten little toes

Two big blue eyes and a small button nose

In our bubble of love the world didn’t seem so bad 

As we went home to start our family life with dad

Some days may be long, tiresome and slow but the weeks go so fast it’s frightening how quickly you grow

We start the day with a big gummy smile 

Which makes the restless nights all the more worthwhile

It’s middle of winter, lockdown number three, apart from our daily walk

homes the only place we’re allowed to be

how I know I’ll miss these days where it’s just you and me

I still dream of better days to come 

where play dates and hugs are denied to none

And that’s why my darling you’ll be part of the story when they write of this year broken down into tiers

Where pain and loss were a plenty

They’ll say of our babies of twenty twenty 

You were our shining bright light in a year of endless dark nights